Motivational Monday - Humility is key to brave changes

Lyrics from Fighter by Jamie Grace

Seven bucks n hour
Bills stacked on the counter
Got a baby on the way, they'll have to feed
His pride is gettin' torn down
His confidence is worn out
This ain't the way he dreamed that it would be

She's got no time for make-up
When she's got three boys to wake up
Never thought she'd have to raise them on her own
And some days she feels like cryin'

She's been here before
And she's only eight years old
But she knows the name of every nurse she sees
And though she don't like the chemo she waits it out, never losin' hope that
Someday soon she'll be cancer-free

Humility is key to all brave changes

Any of these describe you?  I know I see myself in a few of those lines.

Sometimes we get to this point because of past decisions we've made. Other times we are here because of decisions we allowed others to make for us. Still others are here for unknown reasons; it is just the season of his or her life.

No matter the hows, when, or whys of where each of us is, we each have to make the brave decisions, and more often than not, the brave changes to have the outcome we desire and need.  For me, those brave decisions first come by prayer and seeking God in the midst of my chaos. For others, it may be talking it out with someone they respect the most. However you get to the point of realizing that you need to make a change, one thing is common - humility must be the coat you put on.

One has to humble him or herself enough to say that the way decisions were made or actions taken have not worked. Only then can a person determine what the next brave change will be. Only then can one determine a new course of action. Without that humility no motivational speech, no spiritual connection, and no amount of love will change a person's life. Without humility one cannot admit that they may have been wrong.

If today is the first day of a new brave life for you, start with humility. Start with admitting that you may have screwed up, that you don't have all the answers. Now, have a conversation with your creator and ask what your next step is. Seek out that person you know you can talk with and hear what they are saying. Find a 12-step program that will help you through these first few weeks of change. Find a church where you feel the spirit of God residing. All of these actions are the start of your brave change.

Girl Power!

So often we put girls in a box ---- pink or pastel dresses, bows in the hair, heels, make-up --- these are all the things we associate with girls.

This box allows us to say things like -- whine like a girl, throw like a girl, run like a girl, weightlifting like a girl. None of the comments are said in a positive manner. Quite the opposite, they are meant to be demeaning and derogatory, usually to make a boy feel bad about themselves.

But, do we think how this makes girls in the hearing of these comments feel? 

I work in an office of all men. On almost a daily basis I have heard many of these negative comments said from one man to another - while I'm within ear shot. 

I know that these comments have nothing to do with me.

           I'm pretty sure that the comments have no bearing on their idea of my workmanship. 

                        I'm guessing that they still respect me as a co-worker. 

Do you see the sliding slope? 

Even though comments are not directly referenced to me, they bring a negative air into the office. I don't say anything many of the times that they are said. But, then after a while, my dish full of tolerance runs over and I make some sort of comment; Hey, that's really offensive to me or how about we pick on a different minority group today or is that really how you see me?  At the time that my comments are made most of my co-workers look at me with a confused look. The negative statements are so ingrained into our culture that most of the time the guys don't even realize that they are saying offensive comments. 

Seven months into sharing this office space with my male colleagues and it seems the comments have almost been eradicated - we still have our days, but they are becoming much less. I'm hoping that this is true in their personal lives as well.

I say all this to introduce the best picture I have seen on Facebook in a very long time.

Share with all your girl-friends, girl-children, and girl-colleagues and lets eradicate the negative girl sayings.

Why your critics don't count

Building off of my post from yesterday, here is a great video from Brene Brown.  If you have not heard of her yet, you need to Google her and look her up on YouTube. She is a woman who desires to have the brave conversations abut vulnerability and creativity. She is the woman who desires to help each of us see potential in ourselves.

Watch and let me know what you think.

3 Steps to becoming a stronger woman

The hardest part of starting a business is the not knowing. Not knowing if you can sell that item or service. The not knowing if you are good enough. The not knowing if you will make the income you need to make.

Oftentimes, we allow others in our life to determine if it is a good idea or not; if we will be successful or not. Too often, we give others more opportunity to comment on our dreams than we allow ourselves. This is especially true for women.

Why do we do that? 

Why do others matter? 

It shouldn't. Yet, it does. 

We could just end the discussion there. Accept this as fate. Say that because others think we cannot make it, then we should not try. 

If you are a fighter, then you know it cannot end there. Here are three ways to continue the conversation with yourself - to push yourself to dream bigger and be successful.

1. Surround yourself with positive people.  These are not the "yes"-people. You know what I mean by that - those that don't want to hurt your feelings or "let" you feel bad about yourself so they just allow you to keep making mistakes. While they seem to be supportive and help you feel better about yourself, these are not the positive people you need.

You need people who are willing to support you through the tough times. Those that help you grow. They are the people who actually tell you that a certain color is not good on you, that you should probably redo the article because its not your best work, or that you need to just put all your work down and have some fun. These are the people that challenge you to think bigger. They can do that, because they think bigger about their own goals. 

You will find that you succeed when the people around you want you to succeed.

2. Write down your goals. Without goals you have no way of knowing if you have succeeded at a task or not. Without goals you have no path forward. Start out small and make one new goal each week; let the goals build on each other. Goals for loosing weight may start with walking 30 minutes a day for the first month, then add the goal of eating three vegetables a day the second month, and so on. By the end of the year you would have developed a very healthy lifestyle, and lost some weight along the way, without banging your head against the way.

Without thinking, you would have also started some habits that make goal setting successful. You would have recognized the behaviors that need to change in order to reach your goal. Changing behavior is the key to successfully meeting your goals. The behaviors are the essence of your plan.

3. Don't listen to the critics. We all have them. They are the people around us that for one reason or another choose to give us negative comments or advice. Very simply put, if the person giving you the advice has never gone through a similar situation, is not currently reaching for the same goal, or has no experience in whatever behavior change you are trying to achieve do not listen to the negativity.

Even though this step is similar to number 1, it is different in one main ingredient. These are the people that do not make up your everyday life; they are not your inner circle. The critics may come through your Facebook page, your acquaintance list, or your community. These are the people who know about you, but do not know who you are. These are the people who have conversations about the weather or the community gossip, not about your deep desires or important ideas. Do not let the critics determine who you are, what you can do, or how you meet your goals.

How to spot a bully

We often tell our children to not be a bully, to not allow bully's to taunt others, to stand up for those who are currently being bullied. Be a friend, be a support. Do unto others as we would want them to do to us - that is a parent's favorite saying, isn't it?


So, I'm confused.

Donald Trump is the leading Republican candidate in the presidential run. Yet, by all definitions he is a bully. So, how is he at the top of the list when we so clearly tell our children to be the opposite?

I thought about this for a while. The only conclusion I can come up with is that we really don't know what a bully is.

To help, I've gathered three common characteristics of a bully.

1. Public criticism is used to quiet a person.  I'm sure you've been the brunt of a few of these "jokes" before. I know I have. Molly Cain, a writer for Forbes magazine, pointed out an important point about bully's ... they know exactly what will hurt and they do it in public. They crush you with their words. Want to quiet John McCain, publicly criticize him for being a POW. Want to make Carly Fiorina be quiet, talk about her "ugly face" on public television.

2. Anger and spite are used impulsively to get their way.  As Adrian Furnham, of Fortune Magazine, so eloquently puts it, a bully's dysfunctional impassivity means they are quick to anger and lash out at others if things don't go their way. How many times have we heard this from Trump in order to excuse his behavior, "Well they criticized me so I punched back." It isn't so much that he criticizes publicly; it is that he uses the most hurtful words and stories to completely decimate the other person.

3. There is a lack of information replaced with confusion. Bully's tend to be all over the board. It doesn't matter if the information given is good or bad, it only matters who the bully is talking to or who they are talking in front of. If we look at Trump's behavior and rhetoric, it definitely changes. If he is speaking in front of Christians, then he is the best Christian there is; in front of a mixed crowd he admits he hasn't found the need to ever ask for forgiveness of sins.  In front of a woman-predominate crowd he totes on how much he respects women; he has said some of his most sexist remarks in front of mixed-gender crowds.

As adults, do we not have the responsibility to mirror appropriate behavior to a younger generation? If so, then why are a majority of Republican voters (some of whom would normally vote the democratic ticket) supporting a candidate who shows all the signs of a bully?

If you are a Trump supporter, I'd like to hear how you reconcile voting for someone who bullies others. More importantly, how do you explain bully behavior to your child or grandchild. Maybe I'm missing something, educate me.

If I had Sneezed

This video really needs no introduction.

On day two of this celebration week take a listen to "If I Had Sneezed", the last speech given by Martin Luther King, Jr.

Martin Luther King, Jr. - What is Your Life's Blueprint?

Today, we celebrate the life and legacy of Martin Luther King, Jr. While many will listen to the words of King's I Have a Dream speech or attend celebrations with other orators and artists in attendance, many will forget King's real message. Yes, his message was one of governmental responsibility in protecting and supporting all citizens of this country whether their skin color, their economic sustainability, or their educational aptitude. However, many also forget that his message was one of accountability.

The accountability of change. Change does not happen unless we make it happen. Change does not happen unless we demand it happen. We do this by being involved. Change cannot happen with us just sitting on the sidewalk watching life go by. We, each of us, must be willing to stop or interfere when injustice is happening, when bullying occurs, when harassment becomes a symbol of common-day practice.  Each of us, no matter our color, education, or economic status has a voice. Each of us must be willing to use that voice.

If we are not willing to put ourselves out there, then are we really willing to fix the problems of our society? Once we are able to answer that question, I believe we will be able to turn a corner.

The video that I found for this morning is not your run-of-the-mill I Have a Dream speach. Rather, it is King speaking to students at Barratt Junion High School in Philadelphia on October 26, 1967. The title of his speech was, "What Is Your Life's Blueprint?"  This very same speech could be said today with the same impact as it was in 1967. Watch and take note - we'll talk about this more tomorrow.

Modern Day Love Story

In today's world where marriages last but a relative minute and inter-racial marriages have the stereotype of lasting even less, it is refreshing to see a modern day love story. David Bowie and Iman's 20 year marriage ended this week with the death of Mr. Bowie.

Both Iman and David had their own businesses. She was an international model and he was a rock star. Yet, they found time to fall in love, be in love, stay in love for 20 years. It can be done. Listening to Iman celebrate her marriage, we can see it can also be well worth it.

One of the last posts Iman wrote about celebrating David Bowie's 69th birthday was "Sometimes you will never know the true value of a moment until it becomes a memory."

The next day came the news the world was not expecting, with another beautiful post from Iman, "The struggle is real, but so is God."

May those of you who are married begin to look at your marriage in the same way - one that is truly valued in this current memory.

Lambs Farm - A beautiful Story of Opportunity

Recently on Small Town Big Deal - a weekend television show celebrating small towns in America - featured a farm in Libertyville, IL. The location peaked my interest; it's location near Chicago had me thinking I may have visited or driven past their feature location. That was not the case this time.  None the less, the more I heard about the feature the more I was intrigued.

Taken directly from their website:

• Lambs Farm is a place that provides all of the essential ingredients for people to grow: a safe, caring, living environment; an extended family of peers with shared values and mutual respect; opportunities to have productive employment and to make a contribution to the community while being as self-sufficient as possible.

It is a great story. Not only do the employees work in almost every capacity of the farm, many of them make this their residence. Housing is offered in one of the nine group homes on the campus. This offers residents the ability to be independent, but still have the support they need. What a great idea!

The videos on Lambs Farm website do a much better job than I in describing the beautiful and supportive environment the campus offers. I can only hope that this will be a plan for the future in helping others achieve their full potential no matter who they are.

Let's Change the Conversation to Respect

How do we change the conversation? We respect people simply because they are a fellow human being and we help where we can.

The man in the video is a perfect example. Will this change your Monday? I has mine.

A New Year and a New Plan

It's the start of a new year. With that come new ideas, new dreams, and a new outlook on goals. Resolutions, the goals we set in January, for some reason have become reasons to doubt ourselves and try reaching unreasonable plateaus. I don't quite understand the logic of continuing to make goals with the mindset that one will never reach it and even look for ways to break the goal. Don't get me wrong, I lived in that camp for a couple of decades only to find unhappiness and despair. I no longer prescribe to the nonsense; I still make resolutions but I look at them much differently. Now my resolutions have a plan behind them.

Making a goal, or resolution, without connecting it to a plan is often the difference between success and failure. I know this from experience - I've had a few of those failures. Goals without plans are just positive thoughts that stay in your head. I'm sure you've heard of other sayings that talk about our constant need to set unattainable and meaningless goals. Why not make this year be different?

The same goal-setting-without-a-plan can be said about businesses. With the New Year often come new business adventures. Like our goals, new businesses need a plan - a business plan. This plan will help a business owner plan for the future, develop new goals for business development, and realize when the business needs to change direction. Stever  Robbins describes a business plan as "a tool for understanding how your business is put together." A properly written business plan will help with determining the staffing needs, marketing needs and strategies, and will hold a business owner to task.

 One of the myths in the business world is that once the business plan is written and accepted, it will no longer be used.This myth is the farthest thing from the truth. A well written business plan should be reviewed at least yearly and in some businesses quarterly. The review process is a time to review what goals were met, determine if goals must be changed, and adjust strategic planning with the new data in hand. A business plan is a living document - it changes as the face of the business changes, as the economy changes, and as the strategy changes.

According to Barry Ritholtz of Ritholtz Wealth Management, the top 10 reasons for small business failures are:

1. Lack of experience
2. Inefficient capital
3. Poor location
4. Poor inventory management
5. Over-investment in fixed assets
6. Poor credit arrangements
7. Personal use of business funds
8. Unexpected growth
9. Competition
10. Low sales

A business plan can help with all of those possible obstacles. Even the lack of experience can be addressed with an accurate plan; a business owner may have to research possible educational opportunities, networking opportunities, or possible partnerships to deal with lack of education. The important aspect is that the business plan would encourage an owner to acknowledge the obstacle and plan for ways to improve the situation. A business often fails because of the lack of planning.

In talking with local business owners the reason I hear over and over for not having a business plan is the lack of knowledge in writing one. Yes, you can purchase a template built business plan on the Internet with just a few clicks of a mouse; similar to the template built resume, it may not be adequate for your business. When choosing a company to write the business plan, the owner would want someone who is willing to collaborate on the plan; making the plan as unique to the business as possible. The most important aspect of a plan is not how well it is worded or how best to present it; rather, the important aspect is how in depth it researches the community, the economy, the needs of the business owner, and the strengths of the business idea itself. Remember, the plan will be revised at least yearly and so having working data as the baseline is the most important part of the plan. Having data that drives decisions and goal setting is a must-have in any business plan.

As a freelance writer with over fifteen years of experience in human resources and business analysis, I have written my share of business plans. Each of them has been unique to the business the plan was addressing. After reading the plan, some owners have gathered enough funding to start their dream, others have determined that they already had the resources they needed to start their dream, and some have even decided to not pursue the business at all. There has been a common thread through each of the writings - I have enjoyed working with the business owners and hearing their personal stories of accomplishment. I'd love to sit down with you as well and develop a business plan that paints a clear and concise view of the current business climate in your community and a distinct direction to take your business. For more information, please contact me at wrightjanine@ymail.com.

Don't focus on the goal ...

It's the first Monday of the New Year!

Are you excited?

While many of you are probably like me - it is just another Monday; another work day after a very long vacation.

For others it may be the first workday of the New Year Resolutions. You know those things that you are determined to change throughout the next year; those things that we often loose sight of by February 1st.

This morning, like every morning, I listened to TedTalk. Most of you know, I love TedX and TedTalks; they give you a different perspective on your current thoughts, ideas, and ways of doing life. This morning, Reggie Rivers was up. Reggie was a running back with the Denver Broncos and if you watch the video you'll find out he's a pretty good speaker - I love his sense of humor.

His take on goal setting may actually help you with your New Year Resolution. According to Rivers, if you stop focusing on the end goal you'll actually have a better chance o f meeting said goal. That's a little different than what many "experts" would lead us to believe.

Take a listen to Reggie Rivers and let me know - do you agree or disagree?