We have a new home!

This is another step in my process of becoming a freelance writer - my own domain name. 

These last few weeks have been hard - especially for a non-technical kind of person like me! Setting up the domain was easy enough. Trying to get a blog up and working just the way I wanted it to was much harder. 

It is now done! The next few weeks may come with a few more tweeks, but for the most part it meets my approval. 

The name is the same - Brave Change Today - the address is different bravechangetoday.com

Make sure you come on over and help me celebrate my brave step to success!

Hope to see you there!

Lompoc, CA - a quiet town in the Santa Ynez Mountains

Each Friday my posts have been taking you on our adventure across the country from Wisconsin to California. If you have missed the last couple of weeks, you can find the start of our journey here and last weeks post telling the story of landing in sunny CA.

After spending a few weeks in Oxnard, CA. We decided to go north. With no employment prospects in the picture, we knew that it would be more affordable in smaller cities located inland and off the coast a bit. We set our sites on Lompoc, CA.

Field of flowers, Lompoc, CA

Lompoc was much more my style. With just over 42,000 people, Lompoc is quiet; almost reminding me of home. It is best known for being the seed and flower capital of the world. Because of its cool Mediterranean type climate, Lompoc was the perfect place to grow flowers and extract their seeds. Almost any type of exotic flower could be grown in its hilly countryside. Pictures of that time show a very beautiful city nestled into the valley between the surrounding mountains. Today, with the drought that started about four years ago, flower fields have been replaced by crops of cabbage, strawberries, broccoli, and other vegetables.

Vandenberg Air Force Base

In addition to the flowers, Lompoc also sits on the outskirts of Vandenburg Air Force Base. The base has a large space launch complex and is the main site of rocket launches for satellites on the California coast.

White Oaks Inn, Lompoc, CA

We found ourselves at an extended stay hotel in Vandenburg Village, a part of Lompoc named for its proximity to the base. When I say that this hotel was affordable, that is exactly what I mean. In its heyday, it may have been a beautiful location. Today, it leaves a bit to be desired. It was clean, so that's all that really matters, right?

Ocean mist coming into Lompoc

The first thing we noticed about the hotel is that there is no air conditioning. In fact, that could be said of almost any hotel in Lompoc and most of the houses. Having the evening mist come up over the mountains and settle on the Lompoc Valley cooled off the temperatures enough that just a fan was needed. At first I had my doubts, but after a short time I grew accustomed to opening the doors at night to bring in the cool air and then closing the curtains early afternoon so the hot air stayed outside.

Looking down over Lompoc Valley

Hiking in the Lompoc Valley was beautiful! La Purisma State Park has some awesome trails. Many of them go up into the hillside so that one can see the Lompoc Valley below. Hiking became a great stress reliever which I definitely needed mainly because I still didn't have a job.

Bridge on the San Marcos Pass

It was at this hotel that I finally got my first job - working for a temporary placement agency at a realty office in Santa Barbara. The pay was less than desired and it included an hour commute, but it would at least bring in some money. I learned very quickly, commutes on California's Central Coast can add up quickly! There is usually no road that goes straight from point A to point B; rather, the road goes up into the Santa Ynez mountain ranges and through the San Marcos Pass. Trips that should only take 30-40 minutes end up taking 65. But, again, I was blessed with a job after eight weeks of praying, worrying, and wondering if we had made the right decision about coming to California. Don't get me wrong, the drive was beautiful. It was also very time consuming and not a road I wanted to drive on when tired.

Tunnel on San Marcos Pass Road

 We had a roof over our heads, we had food, I now had a job, and things started to feel a little less strained. We both knew that in order to actually rent a house, I would need a permanent job; one with a temporary placement agency would not work. We had resigned ourselves to be living in the hotel for at least six months or until the company I was working for would hire me on permanently. All the while continuing to pray that a permanent position would come along.

Thankfully, God showed that blessings happen in his own timing. While out hiking, I received a phone call from another temporary agency.  They had a position in my field and the company wanted to interview me. Although this position paid more, it was still as a contract only position. I agreed to the terms. Then at the very last moment, the agency called  back and said the company had changed their mind -- they wanted to hire me directly! This was the opportunity we needed!

Within a week, I was working for my present employer and we were looking for a house to rent in Santa Maria, CA - 10 minutes from my new place of employment.

It had been a very frustrating time, but maybe this brave adventure was finally turning the corner.

It's March - Are you still working on behavior changes?

Today is the 1st Monday of the 3rd month of 2016.

By now, you should have your 1st goal on your New Year's resolution soundly planted in your life. If you have been working on the behaviors leading up to achieving that first goal then you have had 9 weeks to accomplish those tasks. Now you should be ready for that second goal.

If this is the first blog post you have read on this subject, then you'll have to go back and re-read the series. You see, I'm a firm believer that to reach the goals of our New Years Resolutions we have to work on the behaviors that drive the goals. On January 4th, I wrote a post about not focusing on the goals, but changing the behaviors.  If you need to, go back and review that post and then come back here.

In February, I wrote a post about picking up the hitchhiking resolutions. Picking up those goals that you self-determined would cost too much, you didn't have time to meet, were too hard to manage, or that took you too far outside of your comfort zone. I gave you three suggestions on how to pick up those goals and start over so that you could enhance your life and be better able to reach the pinnacle you had set for yourself. If you still have those hitchhiking resolutions, you need to go pick them up, re-read that post, and then come back here.

And so here we are. March. For those who have been working on those behaviors, getting them aligned with your goals, then you are well on your way to achieving that list of New Years Resolutions. Today, you need to start working on Goal #2.

Remember, we aren't going to let Goal #1 sit on the sideline. We are going to continue to do whatever behavior you had determined to change or do in order to reach that goal and we are going to add new behavior changes. Yes, these are baby steps in goal achievement. That's OK. Research has shown over and over that those who change small behaviors related to larger goals are more successful than those who change many behaviors at once.

So, once again, here we go. Take your Goal #2 from your New Years Resolution list and ...

1. Review where you are on the trajectory to Goal #1. Do you have some behavior changes to still make? Do you have to tweak some of those changes? Are you well on your way to accomplishing that goal? Make sure you are being reasonable and don't be so willing to make huge changes that will throw you off your game. Small, easily adaptable changes are the best. Those that take you out of your comfort zone a little but without plopping you into another country will be the most successful.

2. Determine what behaviors need to change to accomplish goal #2. Make the behavior changes small and incremental - what can you do in the next 30 days to change some of your behaviors that will ultimately get you to that goal. If you've already started to change some of those behaviors with the advancement of Goal #1 - GREAT! Overlapping behavior changes reinforces that those changes stay in place.

The most important thing to remember in this process is that we are the turtle and not the hare in this race. We know that small incremental changes will ultimately bring us to the finish line in December. Focus on the behavior(s) that will bring the most change and work on those.

3. Do not allow your criticism of yourself to be the biggest roadblock to meeting your goals. We are our own worst critic. Give yourself the time that you need to make changes. Your changes aren't always in a linear path? You veer off the path here and there throughout the month? So what,  it doesn't matter. The overall focus needs to be on the big picture - have you changed your behavior in such a way that you are closer to your goal today than you were yesterday? If the answer is yes ---- give yourself a pat on the back, pick up the pieces that have strayed, and get back on the road. If the answer is no --- OK, do the same, pick up the pieces that you dropped along the way, make a conscious decision to commit to change, and get back on the road.

Above all, realize that you are the only one standing between you and your accomplishment. Focus on the behavior change you need to make. Make this the restart and get going.

Have a great Monday!

Oxnard, CA - So much fun and so much frustration!

We found ourselves at an extended stay hotel in Oxnard, CA in the county of Ventura. I knew very little about California, but I was enjoying the sun, the beauty, and the excitement of a new place.

We arrived on a Friday and that Monday, I made a call to my future employer. Conversations with the employer had started in Wisconsin and we agreed that once I got to California, around the 1st of the month, I should give them a call to do all the formal paperwork. My first call was not returned. Giving the employer the benefit of the doubt, I waited until Wednesday to call again. I left a message with no return phone call. Now, I was beginning to worry. The next three phone calls had the same result - voice mail from my end and silence from theirs. Finally, I gave up calling. Eventually, the employer called me back saying they had decided to go another direction with the position. I kind of figured that out on my own.

I was bound and determined to not let this set-back get me down. I did learn through this first leg of our journey that you must have someone along that is willing to go the distance. My husband was a real trouper - he didn't get upset about not having money come in. He didn't remind me that no employers were knocking down my door to gain my talent. Instead, he reminded me that we had saved up a few months of salary and four months worth of hotel costs just for this reason. When you decide to go across country you never know what awaits you.

Making the best out of a very frustrating situation, my husband and I explored.  After all, there wasn't much else we could do.  We visited friends in Santa Barbara. Decided to go the Navy base and see if it was what my Marine (once a Marine always a Marine) husband had remembered. We went to the beach a few times. We even made the long long trek up the coast to Santa Maria a couple of times to visit his daughter and her family.

 


I will have to admit that the food in Oxnard was superb! There wasn't a whole lot Midwestern food - unfortunately, no cheese curds and Friday night fish fries were unheard of. We had choices of Thai, Mexican, American, and everything in between - very different from what I was used to in Oshkosh.

During this time I continued to job search - sending out resumes, making phone calls, and continually hearing nothing in response. Not working was becoming a frustrating issue in my life quite quickly.

Adding to the frustration was the shear number of people. Coming from a city of just over 50,000, Oxnard's population of 203,000 people was overwhelming. Walking at night, which I had become accustomed to doing, was now out of the picture. This quickly added to the frustration I was feeling.

Oxnard lasted a whole six weeks.

We had no idea how long this was going to last, but we did know we needed to go someplace a bit more affordable. So, North we went.

Come back next Friday to hear about the next phase in our journey.

Are you a non-employer business owner?

Can a business owner have a business with no employees?

When looking at the organization of other people's businesses, I sometimes think that many think the answer to the question is, "no". The businesses we hear about on the news and in social media are those that have a few employees with the profit to sustain that kind of business structure. 

Do you realize that 23 million U.S. business owners have a business structure that includes no employees?  

The U.S. Census Bureau calls these types of businesses "non-employer businesses". I am a non-employer business and in some ways therm makes me think my  business isn't as important or needed as an "employer business". Maybe it is the use of the prefix "non" in the title. Whatever the reason, I need to remind myself, as you need to remind yourself, that this feeling or opinion is not accurate. A non-employer business is just as relevant and important as other businesses. 

About 24% of the non-employer businesses in the United States make $40,000 per year. That is also the median wage for most U.S. wage earners. I don't think that this is a coincidence. If you are one of those businesses, that makes enough money to sustain itself, then I would think that you are well on your way to being a great success. 

What does a business have to do to get to the next level; to get to be an employer business? Here are a few tips:

1. Have a plan.  You need to get your business organized. If you haven't carved out a plan for your business, then get started now. Develop a plan to structure your business in such a way that growth naturally comes from the work you do. Include marketing needs in the plan. 

The plan should also include how to deal with taxes. Don't allow your business to just exist. Let it work for you; take advantage of the tax breaks that a growing business can provide.

2. Take your business seriously.  In order to grow from a non-employer business to an employer business, you must take yourself and your business seriously. That means working the hours that need to be worked. Granted, it is nice to get up and walk to your office at the end of the hall without having to change clothes, but are you really taking yourself seriously when you do that? Do you take impromptu vacations or binge watch TV when you could  be working? 

Set up regular work hours. Get up, get showered, get dressed and walk into your home office just as you would a traditional office. When you take yourself seriously, everyone else around you will, too.

3. Call yourself what you are.  I've had some people actually say that I'm not really a freelance writer because I didn't make more than a $1,000 last month. Don't listen to the naysayers. Define yourself. If you are a business owner in a certain niche, then call yourself what you are. Be confident in your skills, tell those around you what you do, offer to help others get to their next level. 

4. Network. Who says you have to wait until you are making $50,000 a year before you choose to network with other people working the same business you are. Get out there and meet some other non-employer business owners!  The most efficient way to increase your knowledge is to learn from others; from both their mistakes and their successes. 

Whatever you do as your business, remember that you are only limited by your imagination. If you have a seed of imagination in your business idea, you are poised for success. 

Now get out there and be the best non-employer business you can be!

The ride we will never forget

The drive from Wisconsin to California took a total of 36 hours. It was exhausting. It was also a beautiful trek.

One of the things I so admire every time I make the drive between California and Wisconsin (yes, I've done it a few times) is the diversity of the landscape. The beauty of the cliffs and valleys of Wisconsin followed by the level land that stretches for miles upon miles in Nebraska, and the mountains of Colorado, Utah, and Nevada. Each of the areas is different. Even the mountains from one state to the next do not look the same. Yet, we are one country. It is an amazing concept if you think about it.

But, on this drive, there was something even more awe inspiring - the weather. The drive from Wisconsin through Nebraska was pretty much uneventful. Then we hit the Denver area. I've learned now that Denver and Colorado as a whole can make travel very exciting. The snow, rain, sleet - even in late-May - was a definite change from the Midwest.

 Yet, Mother Nature had more in mind for us. As we traveled into the area of Colorado, Arizona, and Utah we were met with dark clouds, tornado warnings, and water. More water than there should have been, more water than they could contain.  At one point, we got off the road to do a little shopping and take a break. Getting back to the highway was a little sketchy, towing a car didn't make it any easier.

We got through with stories to tell.

Eventually, we made our way to Ventura, CA one day before I was scheduled to meet with my new employer.

Little did we know that this would be the start of a few very frustrating weeks and uncertainty.

Would it be a brave change if we didn't experience some hurdles and obstacles. Probably not.

Tax Deductions that many small businesses don't think about

If you are like most people, you've just went through one of the most dreaded times of the year - tax filing. With that pain in mind, this is the best time to talk about what deductions you may or may not have missed.

Most people seem to think that a business isn't really a business until you have an employee. That those at-home party businesses like Pampered Chef or Mary Kay aren't businesses that need to be tracking expenses and creating deductions at tax time. That thought process couldn't be farther from the truth. From the day you decide to become a business owner - no matter the size of your business - you should be tracking expenses and keeping receipts.

Here are few examples of deductions that many sole proprietors do not realize they should be taking advantage of.

Not Paying Quarterly Taxes - Every business will need to pay taxes. The question becomes, do you pay the taxes on your own, in your tax filing, or do you them quarterly? The answer depends on how much profit your business is making and the requirements of your state.

For many small businesses, quarterly tax payments are a requirement. If not made on time the business will incur fines until the taxes are paid. The quickest way to find out if your business is required to file taxes, please visit the Self-Employed Individuals Tax Center. Your financial adviser can best advise you on the state requirements for tax filing.

So, if your business isn't one of those required to file quarterly tax payments no need to worry about the subject, right? Not so fast. You should at least look at your businesses quarterly profit and loss statement and decide if a portion of the sales should be set aside to help pay any tax payments needed at the end of the year based on your additional income.  Again, your financial adviser will be able to help you calculate how much you should set aside.

Under Reporting Your Business Income - Every client that you have that has paid you at least $600 in one calendar year is required to send your business a 1099-MISC stating your compensation. The IRS will be in receipt of a duplicate copy of that form. You guessed it, there is no way of getting out of reporting the income. Even if your client does not send you the 1099 form, you are still required to to add the income to your bottom line.

The IRS may not realize the mistake this year, but they will find it eventually and come a calling. Don't waste your time, or money in penalties, just report the actual income your business received.

Home Office  Deduction - Many business owners are scared of this deduction because it seems confusing and may increase the chance of an audit. The important fact to remember is that if you have a dedicated office in your home, you may use this deduction. Do you only use part of a room for an office? This deduction may still be for you. The important fact to remember is that the room or area must be exclusively used for your business.

In 2013, the IRS introduced a simplified method of figuring this deduction. Take the square footage of the room or area devoted to your business and multiply by $5. The deduction using the simplified method is capped at $1,500 per year.

For many business owners, it may be more advantageous to use the actual expense of the room. This is where your tax adviser may be the most helpful. Run the numbers past him or her and decide how best to proceed; just make sure to not leave the deduction on the table.

Over Deducting Your Gifts - For some business owners the heading should be - over gifting your clients is a waste of money. First, let's discuss what "gifts" mean. In this context they could be anything from holiday presents to small tokens of appreciation for their business. Remember, the gift must be relevant to the success of your business and the relative relationship with the client.

So, how extravagant should you be with those gifts? IRS allows a business to deduct only the first $25 of gift cost per recipient. So, whether you spend $100 on one gift or on multiple gifts, only $25 is deductible. I'm pretty sure you know how much I would spend on each client. Make sure you keep all receipts for the gifts that you purchase, because the IRS will ask for receipts. That also means you should never over-inflate the gift deduction; a $2,000 deduction means you spent $25 on 80 clients. If that isn't true, don't report it.

Difference Between Equipment and Supplies - The IRS treats equipment and supplies differently. Let's take care of the definitions first.

Supplies = Items that get used during the year. Examples are printer ink, paper, envelopes, etc.

Equipment = Typically higher value items that last longer than a year. Examples are computers, software, business furniture, etc.

The cost of supplies will be reported on Schedule C; whereas, equipment costs will be reported on Form 4562. It isn't a good idea to mix them up because there are limits for many items and the deduction may be denied if not applied correctly.. Additionally, equipment can be written off through a full deduction (depending on the cap) or depreciated each year. Your financial adviser will be able to steer you in the right direction.

Not Reporting All Your Expenses - When asked which business expenses constituted tax deductions, most people answered  correctly with  computer equipment, mobile phone plan, health insurance premiums, and travel. However, many business owners, especially the sole proprietor, didn't realize that books, online courses, mileage to meet with clients, Web hosting, and stamps can also be deducted as expenses.

The best idea is to track all expenses that your business incurs. Then at the end of the year, go over those expenses with your financial adviser to best determine which can or cannot be taken as deduction. Your organizational efforts will not go to waste. Whatever cannot be deducted, can certainly be entered into your annual budget for next year to better determine your business goals.

Choosing the Wrong Legal Identity - Unfortunately, many sole proprietors do not realize that the legal identity of their business can positively or negatively affect the amount of taxes due to Uncle Sam. Sometimes legally establishing a C Corporation, S Corporation, or LLC that's taxed like an S Corp may help lower the tax bill.

A discussion with your tax adviser may clear up any confusion and set you down a clear path for success. You can even do your own research be looking at the information available on IRS' Self-Employed Individual Tax Center website.

As you can see, there are many ways those who have a very small business can still take advantage of tax deductions. With a little organization, advice from your financial and tax advisers, and some persistence you can be better prepared when tax time comes around next year.

Today's is the day for Big Talk!

Have you ever felt really alone? Ever felt that the world was so different from your own reality that
you didn't have a place? Ever felt that the support system you had suddenly shifted and they were no longer the support you needed?

I've been there, too. It is a very hard place to be. It is a lonely place to be.

I know how I got to that hard place and I can now see why I got there. But, in the midst of it all clarity was hard to find.

For me, it was the realization that I did not have the same experiences as my child was currently experiencing. I realized very quickly after she started school, that I was going to have to become a person that saw the world a bit differently than many of my friends saw the world. That was because many of the teachers, other students in class, and society as a whole saw my children differently than I did. See, I was a mother who was white, parenting a mixed child who was experiencing racism and discrimination for the first time. This racism and discrimination did not come from one group of people, it came from multiple groups.

How was I supposed to change my reality to fit my child's reality? Yes, I had been called names because of my relationship with their father. Yes, I had to deal with people terminating their relationship with me because of my marriage and children. Unless one knew my personal life these occurrences didn't affect me; I could easily go about my daily life without anyone ever knowing I may be different than they. My child didn't have that same experience.

I felt myself getting angry. I felt myself distancing myself from those around me. I felt myself cocooning myself up to supposedly protect me. My friends didn't understand what the problem was. There was really no one to talk to.

If I would have seen Kalina Silverman's TedTalk at that point, I may have realized what the problem was. I may have realized that instead of having these surface conversations with friends and family because that is what was most comfortable to them, I would have pushed the envelope to have the "big talk" conversation. I would have gotten to say what I needed to say. I wouldn't have been as angry and maybe some of my friends would have been able to help; to be a sounding board.

So, how is this part of Motivational Monday?

It is everything about being motivated.

In order for each of us to be the person we need to be
     To do the work we were created to do
          We must create the reality we need.

How in the world do we do that?

We do what Silverman did. We stop the small talk and we talk about what is below the surface. We start to actually connect. We start to share topics that really matter.

I know that when I finally made the jump, I was able to connect with a woman who I could finally open up to. I found a friend that I could just say whatever was the bee in my bonnet on that day. Most days she just listened, other days she agreed, and at times she told me my thoughts were not stuck in reality.

That, my friend is where you need to be. If you, like me and Silverman, are stuck in a place where you are slowly dying, where you are confused about what to do next, where you are feeling like a fish out of water, then you too need to start some big conversations.

I'd like to leave you with one statement from Silverman's presentation that made a big impact on me, "How can I take what I learned today to make my life different tomorrow?"

That is a big talk conversation starter.

Have a great Monday and start some big talks!

Introduction to Friday Fun Day

I like to post on a regular basis and with regular themes. I have Motivational Monday, Small Business Wednesday, and I've struggled with Friday. I'd love to have a Friday Fun day, but really what does that mean when trying to discuss personal growth, goal setting, and small business? I'm sure I could fill it with something meaningful, I just haven't found anything as of yet.

Talking to one of my sons this last week, he pointed out that my life these last eight months have been brave in and of itself. I hadn't really thought about it like that. Sometimes, eyes from outside the process are needed for clarity. He definitely gave me clarity.

So, today is the introduction. Each Friday, you'll get to see a little bit of our journey so far. Hopefully, it will fill the bill of Friday Fun day. I hope that you will be able to see the beautiful sites we've seen, but also experience the highs and lows of a person born and raised in Wisconsin moving to a very different world - California.

Here's the story.

Having lived my entire life in Wisconsin, I was about to embark on a journey. It was, and sometimes still is, a little scary. This journey would take me from beautiful, but often cold, Wisconsin to warm and sunny California.

At the end of May, my husband and I packed up his Jeep and my Toyota with as much stuff as we could fit in them. Luckily three of our children were going to continue living in our home, so we had someplace to store whatever didn't fit into the vehicles. We loaded the Toyota on a car trailer and hitched it to the Jeep and we were off. After 36 grueling hours, we made it to Ventura, California.

Eventually, we made our way up from Ventura to Santa Maria, California. The Central Coast has been our home away from home for a bit now. I make it sound easy, but it wasn't. There were bumps - some small and many big - along the way as well as some beautiful sites. But, that is another story for another day.

As Paul Harvey would say, you'll have to return on Friday for the Rest of the Story.

Book Review - "Choose Yourself"

A couple of months ago, I started reading a book that I believe changed my life. Because of it, I chose to reinvent myself.

For the last several years I have been writing for print and online publications and various people in my network. I wanted to make money at it, but it just didn't materialize into what I had hoped. We made the decision to move across the country and that was the end of my writing career.

After we moved to California it became clear that a part-time job was needed. I struggled to find something that I could do from home that would make money. My sewing hobby wasn't going it, I love kids but I had no desire to take care of someone else's child, and I had struck out the idea of working a part-time job outside my home. I wondered if my writing ability could be that job I needed. The only problem - I had no idea how to start a business in an area where I had no network.

We had decided to take a long road trip - get out of the house and do something fun. In getting ready, started to search through the book offerings on Amazon. I came upon a book that had an interesting title - Choose Yourself - Be Happy, Make Millions, Live the Dream. I'm pretty skeptical, so the title seemed a little over the top. But, I thought what the heck it was only $.99. So, I downloaded it along with a couple of other books - just in case I didn't like this one.

Well low and behold, I was blown away by the book.

Who is James Altucher

Besides being an author that has a very easy-to-read writing style, James Altucher practices what he preaches. Altucher explains how he has built up million dollar companies only to loose them to a bad economy also some mistakes of his own.  He does such a great job of explaining how he was feeling during his lowest moments and how he got out of each of them. I could totally relate to what he was writing.

Humor is another needed skill that Altucher has in his arsenal. Choose Yourself could be a very intense book if it didn't have humor. The lightness of the writing often makes the subject matter more understandable and less burdensome.

Today, Altucher is a successful entrepreneur, author, and pod-caster. I'm sure he has a few more successful titles in there somewhere, but for now that is a good start. He is someone who has developed a strategy for picking up your life and making it what you want it to be.

The Daily Practice

Very simply put, a daily practice is something you do on a daily basis. It is meant to be a practice that invigorates your entire being - the physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual parts of your being. In his book, Altucher lists several things that one can do for a daily ritual. The items range from sleep eight hours to write down a list of ideas to surprising someone. Once again, the idea is that the daily practice will put you into a place where each part of your body - physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual - is aligned.

The daily practice is very similar to Reggie Rivers idea of not focusing on the goal, but focus on behaviors to reach the goal. Similarly, the daily practice focuses on behaviors that need to change or need to be developed to get one to the next level. Starting very small, do only one thing from the list and do it consistently every day. Then build on that item and incorporate two items and then three items and so on until you have a daily practice of items that feed your entire body - physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual.

For me, I picked four items for my daily ritual:

• Thankful journal - I bought an inexpensive journal from the Dollar Tree - yep, it cost me a whole dollar. I got a pen out of the junk drawer in the kitchen and put both the journal and the pen next to my bathroom sink. Every morning, I make a point of writing down ten things I'm thankful for. This one item has completely changed my perspective. It has opened up my mind in the morning to the possibilities of today. Even if I wake up in a bad mood, after writing out the ten things I'm thankful for I have no choice but to change my mood.

• Exercise - This is one of the items that changes a bit for the weekend. I confess that I sleep in on the weekends and only do the exercise in the morning during the week. That means I have to make up the exercise at different times on both Saturday and Sunday. During the weekday mornings, this isn't that long of a session; a 15-minute walk with our dogs. It is just enough to get me up and moving and ready to sit at my computer for the next part of my daily ritual.

• Daily Devotion - Every day, I choose to open up my Bible and read a few verses and then I write a small post on Facebook describing what the passage said to me. I've found that if I do this the first thing in the morning it centers my day, it puts me in the right frame of mind to deal with the issues at work, and it puts me in connection with my creator. Plus, it gets me writing in the morning.

• Writing - Every morning, after my thankful journal, exercise, and daily devotion I do some writing. It isn't much, but it is something. Sometimes it is writing for me, sometimes it is writing for a client; whoever it is for, I write. 

I have found that doing this daily ritual for the last two months has made me a better human being, a better writer, and a better wife.

Choose Yourself and Small Business

Some of you may be asking what this has to do with small business Wednesday. The answer is - everything. This book put into perspective that if I wanted to make my writing into a business I needed to think outside the box and push some envelopes. I put my name out on a few freelancing websites, started my blog, got my Twitter feed going, and sent out a few advertising e-mails. Within a week, I had my first two clients. This week I have three clients. My goal is that within two years, I will not be working for someone else. 

I realized through this book that my writing is my small business. I needed the  put it into perspective. I don't have to have employees to have a small business, I don't have to be making $1,000 a month, and I certainly didn't have to live up to someone else's expectations. I needed to choose myself. I needed to reinvent myself. I needed to take myself and my writing seriously. 

My suggestion is for you to pick up the book, give it a read, start a daily ritual, and let your mind, body, and spirit take you to whatever level you feel your business should be at.

Today - Choose Yourself!

6 emotions needed to fuel motivation

By now you have your goals written down, your plan of action to achieve those goals, and the behavior changes you need to meet those goals. For those who have been reading my posts for a while, you know that the most successful way to reach your goals is to change your behavior. If you need a primer on that idea or you haven't heard of that idea before, here is a link to my earlier post titled, "Don't focus on the goal".

Finding one's purpose in life

Today's motivational topic is a bit different than just changing behavior. I was able to watch a Tony Robbins TedTalk. We all know Tony Robbins as a multi-millionaire motivational speaker. If you are like me, you may have some hesitancy in listening to Tony Robbins or his advice simply because he is a multi-millionaire. Well Tony wasn't always a rich guy talking on stage; he comes from pretty humble circumstances and he worked his way up to where he is today. For that very reason, he may be one of the best people to take advice from.

This isn't your traditional motivational video - it isn't filled with the positive self talk or the play on words that many have become so used to hearing when watching a motivational speaker. His talk is more about a person evaluating themselves and using that information to shape the person's destiny. Now, I'm not a believer in the whole if you follow your destiny you will be rich. Rather, I think following your destiny will bring you fulfillment. Actually, I don't even like to use the word "destiny"; I would much rather prefer the word "purpose". I do believe that this is Tony Robbins goal; explaining how finding one's purpose will bring fulfillment in life.

The word you use - destiny or purpose - is not the focus here. Finding out what emotion motivates you to move forward is the entire focus of this talk. Why are you motivated to make changes in the world around you, motivated to make changes in your home, to make changes in your life. Having the answers to these questions will either give you the push to accomplish those behavioral changes needed to meet your goals.

Six emotions that fuel motivation

He lists six needs that all human beings must fulfill. Each of them have corresponding emotions tied to them. Robbins' theory is very similar to another theory that I am very familiar with - Maslows Hierarchy of Needs. It is a motivational theory developed by American psychiatrist Abraham Harold Maslow. For me, the connection between Maslow's theory and Robbin's theory allows me to put more stock in Robbin's talk. I have more confidence in his expertise than I did before watching the video simply because I know from my own life that Maslow's theory is dead on.

According to Robbins, in order to be fulfilled each person must be able to realize the following needs:

• Certainty - The need to be comfortable. This includes the need to food, water, home of some sort, safety, etc. 
• Uncertainty - The need for variety. In order to be motivated to do what needs to be done, one cannot be bored. 
• Significance - The need to be important.  Each person has the desire to feel that they can make a difference in their own life or in the life of others.
• Connection and Love - The need to be connected to something other than oneself. This may be God, another human being, even a pet. 

The difference between people is not if one has the desire to achieve the needs above, that is a forgone conclusion. Each person must have the needs above and each person will figure out a way to get these needs. Rather, the difference is the level to which each person must have this need. Some people need more certainty than others, the need to feel significant may be higher for one person over another.  some need connection and love more than others. The point to motivation and reaching the next level is to determine what your highest driver is; where your emotion lies. Once that is determined, each person can then use that emotion to get to the next two points:

• Grow - The need to advance to push the mind and body to develop into more than they are today. 
• Contributing beyond yourself - The need to make a contribution to another person, a business, or the world as a whole better.

Your thoughts

The entire TedTalk is below. I think it would be interesting to hear what you think about the talk. Does it motivate you to look to those goals you wrote down in January? Does it motivate you to change some things in your life? 

Give me your feedback in the comments below or click on the Contact Me tab and send me a private message.

Above all --- make this Monday count!

Brene Brown - a brave conversation

I've posted a Ted talk by Brene Brown on the topic of identifying yourself. More accurately, not allowing your critics to identify you.

I'm a true fan of hers. Mainly because she dissects a thought - like critics and vulnerability - and  makes it understandable and relatable to me. With her common language and frank speaking she really touches on some main issues with me. I understand what she is saying and I am spurred to make changes in my life.

In this video - Living Brave with Brene Brown and Oprah Winfrey - I find some very key nuggets that I can actually use for my life.

The two comments that made the biggest impact on me are:

Change the narrative
Who do you think you are?

These two statements are personal to me. You see, I've had some very negative years in my late teens and early 20's. These years created many skeletons that for many years were hidden from everyone. It has taken a lot of self talk and faith in God to get to the place that I am today. Brene Brown would use the phrase - Change the narrative - in place of my phrase self talk. Basically, they mean the same thing.

• Talking to yourself in a positive manner.
• Turning off the constant tape running inside your head - usually negative
• Believing that you can be anybody you want to be

These naturally turn into - Who do you think you are.  I've actually had people ask me that. Those people who didn't want me to succeed - they asked, who do you think you are? I remember one such individual. For many years, I worked on different diversity initiatives in my community and eventually co-facilitated a discussion group on topics of diversity.  I remember opening an e-mail from an acquaintance. I recognized the name from my past - from those dark, skeleton forming days. I was nervous to open it; thought it may open a can of worms. The e-mail almost silenced my voice. She went into a long tirade of reminding me of who I was, what I've done, and who I will always be - in her mind. It took a lot for me to put a stop to the negative tape in my head. If it were not for the positive self talk, my faith in forgiveness, and those people close enough to accept me for all of me, I would have folded up the discussion group and walked away. After all, that felt much more safe.

I now know that when we've made huge mistakes in our lives and especially when those mistakes are publicized, we allow our lives to be defined by them. We allow the consequences of those mistakes to be so large that we can never crawl out from under them. We believe the inaccurate phrase - a zebra doesn't loose its spots. Well I lost mine. I've climbed out of that pit. I'm on the other side of the mountain.

My narrative has changed. Today, I know who I am. 

Take the next 20 minutes and listen to Brene Brown's interview of Oprah. I hope and pray that it will impact your life as much as it has mine.

Give me your feedback in the comments section. If your message is too personal, send me a message through my "Contact Me" page. 

Above all - remember to have those brave conversations with yourself and with others.

Monday Motivation - pick up those hitchhiking New Years resolutions

Today is the 2nd Monday of the 2nd month of 2016.

Where are your New Years goals?

If you are like most people, they are hitchhiking on the side of the road because you told them you didn't have time or money or patience for them.

Well, it's the start of the new week and here's how to get back on the wagon.

1. Figure out what you can do in 30 days.

Dust off those New Years resolutions. Take just a few minutes to figure out which ONE of those goals you can accomplish in 30 days. I didn't say try to do them all in 30 days. Break it down - what one item can you work on right now.

Give yourself a break and do this in a reasonable manner. After all, your sprint to the goal resolution finish line was unsuccessful. For a moment, be the turtle and not the hare.

2. Go back and watch my previous blog post Don't focus on the goal

There's some pretty good advice there for a Monday morning. Figure out what behaviors need to change in order for that ONE goal to be accomplished. You need to be more organized - what behaviors do you have to change in order for that to happen? Write those down and post them on your wall, your bathroom mirror, you entrance door so that every day, multiple times a day, you can see what you need to do.

By the end of 30 days you will be on your way to accomplishing the first goal.

3. Give yourself a break.

So, you had to make a u-turn and pick up those hitchhiking resolutions. So what. Who cares. Some of our most treasured accomplishments have taken more than one try to achieve. Don't limit yourself with time. Keep that time box open and gauge your success on how far you've come. Have a weight loss goal you want to get to, don't focus on the pound you want to loose this week - keep track of the steps you walked, the number of push ups you did, the number of servings of veggies you added to your diet. Make the goals and the steps to accomplishment small and achievable.

Give yourself a pat on the back when you've reached them.

Today is the start of the new you.

Share with us what your 30 day goal is going to be.

Sammy Rangel - a personal journey through forgiveness

To catapult off my earlier post on Forgiveness is the key to increasing personal growth, I found a video detailing a very personal story showing the importance of forgiveness.

Sammy Rangel details the horrific abuse he suffered by the hand of his mother. This abuse and his subsequent un-forgiveness hardened his heart to a degree most of us can only imagine. He became a gang member, an abuser, a murderer, a prison inmate, a person with no viable future. 

Until he met a doctor who asked Sammy about his relationship with his mother. Who ultimately asked him to do the unthinkable - to forgive her. Sammy's change in not only his life circumstances but also his spirit is personal example of forgiveness positively affecting your personal growth.

The video is just over 21 minutes long. Some of it is difficult to hear because of the abuse he endured, but I ask you to try to listen to his words, to his story. 

Share with us what you take away from this video. 

To learn more about Sammy Rangel's amazing journey of forgiveness and his community work, please visit http://theforgivenessproject.com/stories/sammy-rangel-usa/

Forgiveness is the key to increasing personal growth

I forgive you.

Three simple words that when said can free our mind and spirit so that we are able to walk forward towards our life goals.  Three simple words that when caught up in our mind and never vocalized or acted out will create a trench so deep it keeps us from ever realizing our life goals.

Forgiveness is key to so much of our life; more than any of us really give thought to.

What is forgiveness

It is important to understand what forgiveness is and what it is not.

In very general terms, forgiveness is the conscience giving up of resentment, pain, need for revenge, anger, and other negative emotions associated with being hurt. This forgiveness may be given to an individual person or a group of people.

To be very clear, forgiveness is not offered because the offending person or people deserve it. In actuality forgiveness has very little to do with the perpetrator of the hurt. It is equally important to remember that forgiveness is not something that happens one day and never has to be repeated. Forgiveness is work. This means that sometimes, forgiveness will have to happen on a daily basis over and over until the negative emotions are gone. This is especially true when the person that one has to forgive is themselves.

For those of us who have grown up in faith-based homes, the idea of forgiveness has usually been drilled in us. If you are like me, I often used those three little words out of context. I forgive you was sometimes said when I didn't really mean it. At the time, I thought I meant it, but in a few days when anger or bitterness would come to the fore front again I would allow the negative emotions to forge their way into my daily life. Eventually, I would realize it and once again would have to do the hard work of ridding my mind of those thoughts.  This is the real work that all of us must go through when forgiving others or ourselves.

Many people that I have talked to have said that they simply cannot forgive another person because they cannot accept the behavior. Forgiveness is not acceptance. Rather, it is the act of releasing any attachment to the negativity about a person, group of people, or event. Many times, real forgiveness means one can think about the hurt without getting overly emotional or having big reactions. The hurt no longer controls emotions of the forgiver.

Forgiveness also does not mean that the offending person or people are always allowed back into one's life. This is an important distinction. Remember, forgiveness is about the forgiver and not the offender. There are instances where it may not be safe for the offender to be allowed back into the forgiver's life. Same for those offenders who must gain back the trust of others before they are allowed back into a social circle; forgiveness does not equal trust. Remember, forgiveness is not for the offender but for the forgiver.

How does forgiveness affect personal growth

Psychologists and scientists have been studying forgiveness for many decades and have made a case that forgiveness isn't just important in faith-based homes. There is overwhelming evidence that the act of forgiveness increases ones general well being and happiness.  Here are a few examples:

• In a long-term study, victims of severe abuse were healed faster when forgiveness techniques were used in therapy.
• A group of researchers from Erasmus University's Rotterdam School of Management found that forgivers were able to perform better on challenging physical tasks.
• Science has shown that continually going over hurtful actions and continuing to live in the negative emotions will eventually raise blood pressure, may increase weight gain, and decreases the ability to focus or create new memories

Forgiveness can be described as a large rock in our path to reaching our personal goals. When living in negative emotions, it is very difficult to have the energy and clear thinking that problem solving and goal setting requires. This is especially true for self un-forgiveness. When we box ourselves into negative areas or put constraints around ourselves because we do not deal with certain situations, circumstances, or people, we severely limit our personal growth.

What are the steps to forgiveness

There are many books and websites that talk about the 10 ways or 15 ways to forgive others. Others say one can forgive someone in 3 easy steps. Forgiveness isn't easy and it doesn't track down even steps. It normally follows a very curvy road and sometimes that road turns back on itself delaying true forgiveness. How long  how many steps it takes to forgive is different for each of us. 

That  being said, Dr. Ned Hallowell has put together four very general principals that everyone can follow to take the road of forgiveness:

1. Acknowledge what happened.  

The most important step is to not ignore the hurt. Talk to someone you trust and let the emotions out. Cry, yell, scream, be mad about the situation, whatever has to happen to let that initial emotion out.  Acknowledge what the hurt has done to you or those around you. 

Some people describe this as feeling the pain. This simply means putting words to the pain or to the emotional feelings. If there have been years of un-forgiveness, you may want to acknowledge where the negative emotions of un-forgiveness have taken you. 

2. Relive and reflect

After you've had a chance to let the negative emotions out, look for that point of the hurt that is holding you back.  What part of the hurt continues to make you want to hold on to your anger and resentment? At this point, it is best to ask yourself what you want to turn the pain of the hurt into. 

Many find help in empathizing with the offender. This does not mean accepting the behavior of the person who hurt you or even accepting the person back into your life. Rather, it simply means trying to understand what un-forgiveness the offender may be dealing with in their own life and how their hurt may have lead to the hurtful experience you had with them.

3.  Working it out

This may very well be the hardest and longest step to forgiveness. Getting rid of the negative emotions that are holding you back is key to true forgiveness. Think back on step two and determine what you need to do to move forward.  

Often, forgivers find that prayer and meditation are useful during this step. To know that there is a higher power that can help you deal with the negative emotions is often a turning point. Also, think on those things you are thankful for and meditate on the positive points in your life. This type of positive behavior will reprogram the ever present tape in your mind. 

4. Renounce your anger and resentment

At this point, you need to make a decision to give up the anger and resentment. Giving it up, means you will continue to do each of the steps above until you can move ahead without the need to talk to others about it, relive and reflect on the hurt, or work out the emotion of the hurt. In time, the hurt will no longer have any hold on you or your emotions.

Remember, the act of forgiveness is not a one time fix and it doesn't happen in a linear movement. Forgiveness happens in cycles and sometimes your mind makes a u-turn taking you back down negative-emotion road. At this point, it is important to stop the negative behavior and return to the steps working through each one and releasing more negative emotions each time.

3 Reasons Your Business Should have a Blog

Small business owners usually have two reactions to blogging; they do not see the need and they are too busy.  I would counter that in today's world of competition, tight budgets (both business and personal), and open world markets a blog is a needed part of any business plan.

If you remember my previous post on creating a business plan, one of the uses for a well written plan guiding the business in growth activities. Blogging is one of those activities. It should have been part of your marketing plan. 

If it was not, here are three reasons you should reconsider using a blog to grow business

1. Increase customer trust and loyalty by blogging. 

Customers want to have faith that they can call you an expert in your field. Blogging about your business, services or products offered, and overall market condition puts you, the business owner, in the seat of the expert. Your current customers will be able to gain a better understanding of the market you are in, a better understanding of the values of your business, and a better understanding of you, the business owner.

When customers have confidence in your expertise they will be more loyal to call on your business when needed. The same can be said for those potential customers looking for a new service or product supplier. A blog allows you to showcase what your business brings to the table. This is an extension of your marketing plan; the place where you not only showcase your business, but also a place where you can develop a relationship with potential customers so that your business name pops up in their mind when they have a problem.

Your blog posts do not always have to be the written word. If you do better at speaking to a crowd than writing to a crowd, how-to videos or product videos are worth a try. This is the place for your business to shine, to stick out more than the competition. Do you have a common problem that customers should be able to fix at home, and it doesn't really provide you with a lot of profit? Make some how-to videos or posts about this process, show them how to solve their own problem and save your services for those that are profit generating and more helpful to the customer.

2. Increase web traffic to your site.  

We all know that having a website does not guarantee new customers. Add a page to your current website and house your blog there. Not only will you be able to build a relationship with your current customers, but potential customers will be brought up to speed on your expertise, other services and products your business offers.  

Take advantage of SEO to drive website views. A website is static. It doesn't change very often, if at all. The blog page, on the other hand will change on a regular basis. Maybe your business can have Monday tips, Wednesday deals, and  Friday fun day where you blog about something other than your business or services.

The idea is to bring current and potential customers to you. Make the blogging experience informational and fun. Gain traffic to your website and in turn increase your sales.

3. Blogging is a great way to network with others in your industry. 

Your blog will not only be read by your customer, but other small businesses in your industry will be reading it to. Every small business owner knows that being in a network of other business professionals  is a must. Use the internet to your advantage - allow others to connect with you.

Some of your posts can be showcasing other business owners in your city, in different industries, or even in other parts of the country. Your blog can be a way to share business ideas with other owners; using the comments section may be a great way to even solve some of your own business issues. How would you do this? Write a blog about a problem that you are trying to conquer, ask other's to put their suggestions in the comments section. You may even be able to use some of those comments for future blog posts. 

The point of blogging is not so much to add another activity to your day. The point of blogging is to connect with others including potential customers, current customers, and other business owners. This wide connection will increase website visits and ultimately sales.

Not sure where to start with blogging? I can help. Simply click on the Contact Me page and send me your information. There are several packages you can choose from, including one where I simply write the blog post, e-mail it to you, and you have the ability to post it when you wish. 

Don't allow excuses to hinder your business growth. Either start your blog today or call me today so that I can assist in getting your blog started. Today is the day to start.

Passion - What hobby would you start this month?

I've decided to join a blogging group. Who would have thought there was such a thing. Of course, I found it by simply googling - help in freelancing. Up popped BlogHer.

Anyway, each month is a new topic. The participants are encouraged to write on specific topics on a regular basis. The "regular basis" is whatever you wish it to be. I've decided to try for 30 days. We'll see how this goes - hopefully I can keep up. I plan to do my regular blogging in addition.

As always, feel free to comment or send me a message about the posts.

February's theme is rightly named - Passion.

The question for today is: Start something you are passionate about; tell us what hobby you'd like to begin.

To start, I'm passionate about helping people. It doesn't really matter what the person needs; it may be advice, material things, helping with a project, teaching a new skill --- whatever the need is. The sheer act of helping someone else is my passion - it is what gets me excited, gets me awake in the morning, helps me enjoy my job.

As far as a hobby. Ahhh, starting a new one would probably not be the best idea I would have. My husband would say I already have too many. I have projects in varying degrees of completion in my office - up-cycling an old sweater, crocheting a bolero, sewing together a quilt top, scrap books of family pictures, genealogy projects ... I think that's it.

Maybe my hobby should be to complete one of those projects this month. But then I'd probably just fill the space with another unfinished project.

Motivational Monday - Humility is key to brave changes

Lyrics from Fighter by Jamie Grace

Seven bucks n hour
Bills stacked on the counter
Got a baby on the way, they'll have to feed
His pride is gettin' torn down
His confidence is worn out
This ain't the way he dreamed that it would be

She's got no time for make-up
When she's got three boys to wake up
Never thought she'd have to raise them on her own
And some days she feels like cryin'

She's been here before
And she's only eight years old
But she knows the name of every nurse she sees
And though she don't like the chemo she waits it out, never losin' hope that
Someday soon she'll be cancer-free

Humility is key to all brave changes

Any of these describe you?  I know I see myself in a few of those lines.

Sometimes we get to this point because of past decisions we've made. Other times we are here because of decisions we allowed others to make for us. Still others are here for unknown reasons; it is just the season of his or her life.

No matter the hows, when, or whys of where each of us is, we each have to make the brave decisions, and more often than not, the brave changes to have the outcome we desire and need.  For me, those brave decisions first come by prayer and seeking God in the midst of my chaos. For others, it may be talking it out with someone they respect the most. However you get to the point of realizing that you need to make a change, one thing is common - humility must be the coat you put on.

One has to humble him or herself enough to say that the way decisions were made or actions taken have not worked. Only then can a person determine what the next brave change will be. Only then can one determine a new course of action. Without that humility no motivational speech, no spiritual connection, and no amount of love will change a person's life. Without humility one cannot admit that they may have been wrong.

If today is the first day of a new brave life for you, start with humility. Start with admitting that you may have screwed up, that you don't have all the answers. Now, have a conversation with your creator and ask what your next step is. Seek out that person you know you can talk with and hear what they are saying. Find a 12-step program that will help you through these first few weeks of change. Find a church where you feel the spirit of God residing. All of these actions are the start of your brave change.

Girl Power!

So often we put girls in a box ---- pink or pastel dresses, bows in the hair, heels, make-up --- these are all the things we associate with girls.

This box allows us to say things like -- whine like a girl, throw like a girl, run like a girl, weightlifting like a girl. None of the comments are said in a positive manner. Quite the opposite, they are meant to be demeaning and derogatory, usually to make a boy feel bad about themselves.

But, do we think how this makes girls in the hearing of these comments feel? 

I work in an office of all men. On almost a daily basis I have heard many of these negative comments said from one man to another - while I'm within ear shot. 

I know that these comments have nothing to do with me.

           I'm pretty sure that the comments have no bearing on their idea of my workmanship. 

                        I'm guessing that they still respect me as a co-worker. 

Do you see the sliding slope? 

Even though comments are not directly referenced to me, they bring a negative air into the office. I don't say anything many of the times that they are said. But, then after a while, my dish full of tolerance runs over and I make some sort of comment; Hey, that's really offensive to me or how about we pick on a different minority group today or is that really how you see me?  At the time that my comments are made most of my co-workers look at me with a confused look. The negative statements are so ingrained into our culture that most of the time the guys don't even realize that they are saying offensive comments. 

Seven months into sharing this office space with my male colleagues and it seems the comments have almost been eradicated - we still have our days, but they are becoming much less. I'm hoping that this is true in their personal lives as well.

I say all this to introduce the best picture I have seen on Facebook in a very long time.

Share with all your girl-friends, girl-children, and girl-colleagues and lets eradicate the negative girl sayings.

Why your critics don't count

Building off of my post from yesterday, here is a great video from Brene Brown.  If you have not heard of her yet, you need to Google her and look her up on YouTube. She is a woman who desires to have the brave conversations abut vulnerability and creativity. She is the woman who desires to help each of us see potential in ourselves.

Watch and let me know what you think.

3 Steps to becoming a stronger woman

The hardest part of starting a business is the not knowing. Not knowing if you can sell that item or service. The not knowing if you are good enough. The not knowing if you will make the income you need to make.

Oftentimes, we allow others in our life to determine if it is a good idea or not; if we will be successful or not. Too often, we give others more opportunity to comment on our dreams than we allow ourselves. This is especially true for women.

Why do we do that? 

Why do others matter? 

It shouldn't. Yet, it does. 

We could just end the discussion there. Accept this as fate. Say that because others think we cannot make it, then we should not try. 

If you are a fighter, then you know it cannot end there. Here are three ways to continue the conversation with yourself - to push yourself to dream bigger and be successful.

1. Surround yourself with positive people.  These are not the "yes"-people. You know what I mean by that - those that don't want to hurt your feelings or "let" you feel bad about yourself so they just allow you to keep making mistakes. While they seem to be supportive and help you feel better about yourself, these are not the positive people you need.

You need people who are willing to support you through the tough times. Those that help you grow. They are the people who actually tell you that a certain color is not good on you, that you should probably redo the article because its not your best work, or that you need to just put all your work down and have some fun. These are the people that challenge you to think bigger. They can do that, because they think bigger about their own goals. 

You will find that you succeed when the people around you want you to succeed.

2. Write down your goals. Without goals you have no way of knowing if you have succeeded at a task or not. Without goals you have no path forward. Start out small and make one new goal each week; let the goals build on each other. Goals for loosing weight may start with walking 30 minutes a day for the first month, then add the goal of eating three vegetables a day the second month, and so on. By the end of the year you would have developed a very healthy lifestyle, and lost some weight along the way, without banging your head against the way.

Without thinking, you would have also started some habits that make goal setting successful. You would have recognized the behaviors that need to change in order to reach your goal. Changing behavior is the key to successfully meeting your goals. The behaviors are the essence of your plan.

3. Don't listen to the critics. We all have them. They are the people around us that for one reason or another choose to give us negative comments or advice. Very simply put, if the person giving you the advice has never gone through a similar situation, is not currently reaching for the same goal, or has no experience in whatever behavior change you are trying to achieve do not listen to the negativity.

Even though this step is similar to number 1, it is different in one main ingredient. These are the people that do not make up your everyday life; they are not your inner circle. The critics may come through your Facebook page, your acquaintance list, or your community. These are the people who know about you, but do not know who you are. These are the people who have conversations about the weather or the community gossip, not about your deep desires or important ideas. Do not let the critics determine who you are, what you can do, or how you meet your goals.